The Sanctuary of the Barn

And there was evening and there was morning...

As a priest in an Episcopal Church, it is the liturgy that draws me deeper and deeper into the community and also into the love of God.  But in recent days, I have discovered the sanctuary of our barn.  There is almost a liturgical feel to our rhythm of life on our little homestead that we call Almost Paradise.  Our goats need tender loving care in the evening and in the morning.  

Each morning as I head to the barn to feed and water the goats, there is a feel of prayer.  Daily Morning Prayer and daily Evening Prayer were once standards of Anglican/Episcopal churches.  The church I serve has spoken Morning Prayer Monday through Friday but unfortunately, it is not well attended. Yet the sanctuary of the barn calls daily--in the evening and in the morning.  My goats are my community, and their song is often a "Maaaaa", but a song none the less--such a joyful noise.  What I love about this rhythm is that it is a reminder to pray . . . for God's creation, for world hunger, for those who are ill.  Prayers of thanksgiving, too; prayer of thanksgiving for this special barn and these special companions, for the special man with whom I share my life and for the little hens who provide us with daily eggs. 

And then there is the weekly cleaning of the barn--what I often wish I could do in my vocation as a priest.  I scoop up the waste of the barn and carry it to the compost pile.  There it is made into something special to make our garden grow.

The sanctuary of the barn provides a place for reflection, for laughter (goats can be so funny!), for love and comfort.  And it fits the rhythm of my day, in the evening and in the morning.  Thanks be to God.

Categories

     I like the way that libraries work; books are grouped by categories.  Fiction is listed by author, non fiction by subject matter.  It helps to keep things organized.
     The table of contents and the indices in cook books are invaluable tools; they allow the cook to quickly find recipes that are listed in categories.  Makes dinner preparation easy.
     Collections are categorized, too. For instance, I collect goat figurines and "hands".  I like to keep similar items together.  When one shops on E-bay, it is easy to find things in their particular category.  
     Categories help to keep things organized.
     When it comes to people, however, I find categories aren't always helpful.  We tend to want to place people in categories according to our assumptions.  It seems easy to "judge" others if we put them in categories: blacks, gays, hispanic, short people, and so on.  In categories, it seems easy for hate to enter in.
     But meeting people as individuals is something all together different.  If there is one thing that sticks out for me about Jesus, it is relationships!  God, who looks upon the heart, in Jesus seeks out the individual.  It's a good model for us.  To seek out the individual. 
     I am grateful for the many people in my life from many different walks of life.  When I see with my "Jesus eyes" I no longer view them in categories--a place where hate seeps in --but see them as the wonderfully and uniquely made person they are becoming.  I am becoming "me", too.

Rethinking everything . . .

     It's been another "staycation"--a week away from my vocation as an associate rector in a large parish.  It's been a week living in the comfort of our little homestead, the one we are calling "Almost Paradise."  It's the place that we share with our three goats and two hens and our gardening efforts.  The garden has been less than stellar this year; we are grateful for the Farmer's Markets in our area!

     We've started a small scale aquaponics this week; a fish named Moby and some micro greens.  Our dream is to do it on a larger scale one day, but for now the small tank with a tiny fish has us learning. And our excitement mounts!

     "Staycations" are an invitation.  An invitation to relax, refresh and to rethink things.  Recently our daughter has moved home; she's an adult now and has brought her little doggie--our granddog!  Pack rat would be a good nickname; alas, she is a material girl.  And our small little place isn't big enough for all of the stuff!

     So . . . it's got me rethinking everything.  Time to pull out Doris Janzen Longacre's book Less is More again!  I'm not sure I can live as a minimalist--I do am a material girl!  But can I do with less? The challenge really is WHY do I want to do with less.  Perhaps it is so that I can actually have more to give.  To make room for those lasting things, like good friends and family. 

     In these days of rethinking my life, I am centered on the church--not just my parish, but Church (with the capital C).  I wondering if I am following Jesus; am I counted among his disciples?  Again today I've read of another potential split on a demonation (makes the heart sad).  I think Jesus wanted us to be one....

  So, I'll continue to rethink everything.  Grateful that this homesteading life is leading me to new relationships and new awareness of God's creation.  To rethink is to discern.  Thomas Merton said it best in his prayer:

O Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going,
I do not see the road ahead of me,
I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself,
And that fact that I think
I am following Your will
Does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe
That the desire to please You
Does in fact please You.
And I hope I have that desire
In all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything
Apart from that desire to please You.
And I know that if I do this
You will lead me by the right road,
Though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore I will trust You always
Though I may seem to be lost
And in the shadow of death.
I will not fear,
For You are ever with me,
And You will never leave me
To make my journey alone.

Lent

     I just came in from cleaning the barn after several weeks of really cold, snowy/icy weather in Mississippi!  The goats seemed to do very well; much easier on them than me! I chuckled when I realized the word with which I chose to travel this year is enough.  Enough winter already! The goats seemed grateful for a better smelling barn and much cleaner and fresher hay. And I feel much better for the fresh air and sunshine.  

      Cleaning the barn had me reflecting; the season of Lent is much like mucking out the barn.  It's time to clean out the clutter from our interior lives to make room for the fresh and new.  A priest friend of mine once told me that he gave up boiled okra and watermelon rind pickles each year for Lent.  He said it with a smile and a wink, I might add. He said that Lent really was about so much more--more about taking stock of our lives.  I believe it's the time for checking out how we are loving God and how we are loving our neighbor.  Like cleaning the barn, I have some mucking out to do in my own interior.

     This Lent has found me spending time with the Penitential Psalms; reading them, meditating on them, studying them and listening to music that's been composed in various genres. We don't spend much time talking about sin anymore; but I am reminded once again by cleaning out the barn, sin exists, and it is only by God's grace that I'm forgiven.  And loved.

     So, enough of winter! Spring is coming.  And Lent is the time that we prepare for the Resurrection of Jesus Christ! Blessed be!

     

On the cusp of a New Year

As 2014 winds down, I am grateful for much in my life.  I am blessed beyond belief.  Looking toward 2015 I have chosen Clare of Assisi for my companion.  And the word I carry with me will be: ENOUGH.
I will explore what is enough in my life.

May you find 2015 a year of blessing and peace.

Tis a gift to be simple ...

     For the last seven weeks, I have been given the gift of a Sabbatical from my vocation as an associate rector in the Parish I serve.  I say "gift" because that is exactly what this time has been, and it is the truest meaning of Sabbath I know.
      Many people I've encountered are familiar with an academic sense of Sabbatical--one goes away to deepen their study of a particular subject.  Many universities grant a full semester for Sabbatical.  The Church (at least in some traditions) also grants Sabbatical leave; many clergy apply for and receive a grant with the average time of leave being approximately three months.
     My Sabbatical did not fit the norm; while I did go away on several small trips, I mostly enjoyed being home for most of the seven weeks of leave from my vocation as an associate priest.  The time away provided me with what I needed most--rest.  I chose a theme (but did not have a grant or 3 months) of Reconnect.  My goals were to reconnect with God, and I chose as my symbol the Labyrinith.  As a Third Order Franciscan, I wanted to also reconnect with my Community--I began both of these goals in San Francisco with the Community of St. Francis.  While in San Francisco, I also visited Grace Cathedral where I spent time walking their labyriniths--the center serving as a deep symbol of my reconnecting with God.
      And then there was the goal of reconnecting with family and friends. Blessed, blessed, blessed time with my spouse!  The joy of being at our little homestead was indeed balm for my soul.  Time spent reconnecting with my daughter, too; a way of being present for her that isn't always possible when I am working.  My husband and I made a few trips to see friends we've not seen in years--picking up where we last left off in conversations and friendship!  Such delight! There have been books read, meals cooked,  music heard & played, sewing and knitting and new friends in our lives during these seven weeks, too.
     While there have been no great revelations on this seven week Sabbatical, I can say there have been some great learning!  I believe I understand the deeper nature of Sabbath--the Biblical interpretation.  I learned in seminary that Sabbath keeping meant reading Torah and making love to your spouse!  But I expand that notion: it is about reconnecting with God and nurturing relationships!  I truly believe God intends for us to claim the gift of Sabbath weekly; indeed it is one of God's commandments--to remember and to keep it holy.  Holy is appreciating the gift in our midst.
     So what have I learned this Sabbatical?  I've learned that Less is More, Bigger doesn't always mean Better, the word "NO" is not at dirty word, practicing detachment is hard (caring and prayer don't take a Sabbatical!), to nurture my introverted side (I could have been a monastic!), home cooking is best, I am decidedly a Christian, I love being home, and yes, I love making this homestead life with my husband of almost 38 years!
     And, I think we've decided on a name for this little place: Our little piece of Paradise Homestead!  It seems to be coming together, with our goats, the backyard Labyrinth we're completing, the dreaming of chickens in the spring, and so on. We celebrated a home communion here on Christ the King Sunday; I made the bread and we gathered with our critters for a memorable time.Something special about having church at home once in a while.  Thank you Shepherd's Hill for such inspiration!
     I return to my Parish Family tomorrow, rested and hungry to be back in community. We'll gather with our children for a celebration of the REAL St. Nicholas--the one who points the way to Jesus!  It's the perfect ending....or beginning...with memories I'll savor for days to come!

Goat Adventures

     I've been enjoying reading books by Jenna Woginrich, as well as her blog Cold Antler Farm.  She inspires me with her adventures.  Presently, I am reading Barnheart: the incurable longing for a farm of one's own.  Each chapter unfolds her growing knowledge abd experience of farm life.  I read her book One Woman Farm first and loved it; it's not so much about being independent but rather how farm life is a matter of being interdependent.  It speaks of church to me in some manner of speaking without need of building or creed;  there was several references to breaking bread and seeing the land and critters as sacred.
     After many years, we're creating a little homestead of our own!  Jenna can run circles around us I would imagine. Recently, we had a homestead event that made us stop and think about our path to simplicity.  It was our male goat: he would not be persuaded to stay out of our garden, despite an electric fence surrounding it.  Mostly, he left the garden alone, but he once took advantage of my good nature and managed to initially get in the garden as I was getting out.  Grabbing his collar, I managed to get him out, but before I could close the gate and alarm the fence, he was munching down on our pea patch.  Again I escorted him out, but getting my feet tangled up in the fence, I took a nasty fall!  Thinking I couldn't get up at first, I ended up letting Rascal have his way in the garden.  My husband arrived and he attempted to rid the garden of the thief--and after several attempts, my Mr. was terribly winded and Rascal was now on to the cucumbers.  Hubby frightened me as he clutched his chest.
     Finally, I managed to get up, commendeered the aptly named goat, moving him to the barn and safely locking him inside.  I couldn't decide if I needed to dial 911, but as I approached the Mr. I noted he was ok and breathing well again.  We were covered in sweat and tears, when suddenly we looked at one another and broke into laughter.  Jenna is a 20-30 something; but we had reached the over 60 crowd in recent years.  What were we thinking?  Farm life in our senior years?  Poor little Rascal was only doing what comes natural to a goat!
     We had to repair the fence, and add another couple of lines for the electric fence and thankfully, Rascal hasn't even attempted to get back in!  We couldn't imagine life without him now, or his sister, Miss Daisy.
Our lives are richer for our experience, and we are a lot more careful about getting into and out of the garden.
     Life over 60?  It's grand... and Jenna keeps me dreaming of chickens!  Thanks, Jenna!
And thank you God for such a beautiful way to grow older!